New Thoughts (3/2/04-3/3/04)
In the last section, it became clear that the Holy Spirit operates in a fashion wholly different from that of the devil and his minions. For us, it is the difference between abject, enforced slavery, the dominating of our will by force, and a freely chosen, willing service. The enemy of our souls had for long years had his way by force. He had overwhelmed our wills with his own, leaving us no choice but to pursue his deathly purpose. The majority have been in subjugation for so long that no memory remains of any other condition. All longing for freedom is gone because the concept of freedom is gone. But God has always had His remnant, those in whom the will remained cognizant of its condition, and He always will.
Jesus came to restore sight to the blind, and to set the captives free. This was His own statement of purpose, written for Him by Isaiah centuries earlier. People thrilled, in His day, to see Him restore physical sight to a few fortunate individuals, yet many who were so excited by what they witnessed, failed to truly see. As He healed the physical eyes, Jesus was also healing a far more important blindness - the blindness to spiritual reality, the blindness to present condition. Where He brought physical healing, He brought the far more important, though less visible, spiritual healing. We all have had need to be healed of our blindness. Until that blindness is cured, we are blinded to our condition of enslavement, blinded to the truth that it is not our will we have been pursuing, but the will of one who has not the least concern for our condition, indeed, seeks our destruction.
Until those blindness is cured, we cheerfully labor on, constructing our own gallows. But, One has come with healing in His hands. He has opened our eyes, and now we see what it is we have been doing. There is shock in this realization. There is the sudden understanding of what we have been laboring on: the means of our own demise. There is the greater, and more devastating recognition that in working upon our destruction, we have been an affront to our Creator. To see would indeed be worse than the blindness except that He has also given us to understand that there is a way made to make amends, to repair the damage, and to return to a course that leads to life. He gives us to understand that the shackles which have bound us to our task are now shattered, and we are now faced with a choice.
There was a time when we could not hear the dilemma of Joshua, we could not hear the call to choose this day whether we would pursue life and blessing, or death and cursing. With this great work of Christ, eyes have been opened and understanding informed, and the dilemma is upon us. Before we had no choice, now we do. Before we did not see our shame, now we do. Before, there was no option but enslavement to a cruel tyrant. Now, we have the choice of returning to his service, or joining ourselves to the Prince of Peace, to become servants in His palace. Either way, the choice is now a choice made by our own free will. We are made aware of the choice, and a shocking number will choose to return to their shackles, will place the bonds upon themselves and return to constructing their gallows.
We are all of us born Maries, rebelliousness is our name and our nature. With the calling of Christ comes a choice: we may choose to live up to our name and our nature, or we may choose to surpass our name, and live up to His name and nature. Mary chose well. She could, one must suppose, have said, "no way!" She could have protested that there was too much already in progress in her life, that her wedding was fast approaching, and she must needs take concern for her reputation. She could have rejected the whole deal. But she didn't. In her own choice, we see a foreshadowing of the choice her son, God's Son, would make some thirty years later. For both of them, all concern for personal interest was set aside, and their every effort would now be devoted to Another.
Mary declared herself God's bondslave. She was not simply stating her condition here, she was declaring her choice. This was not a state she found herself in by force, but it was a role and a purpose that was held out to her as an offer. She was given the offer to become an attendant of the King. We are each given the same offer. We can accept that offer, and have the honor of serving Him, but only if we accept in full, only if we are willing to be devoted to His interests even to our own harm. The benefits of palace life are great! They are life! But, we can only reach that life by death, by dying to our own will, our own interests, and coming to rest in the knowledge that His will and interest has always been for our greatest good anyway.
Mary's response to the offer was essentially this: "Let me be made one with Your command, my will is Your will." If we have truly heard the call of Christ, if we have truly taken up our cross to follow Him, this must also be our own declaration. It is a declaration that will be tested almost daily, but we must be prepared to stand firm. Let it be! Let it be that I am a servant in Your house! Let it be that every command You have for my life finds itself complied with fully and immediately in this vessel of flesh. My will is to do Your will.
What of me? How quick am I to accept God's command as my will? In some things, I know I have heard and obeyed quickly. Yet, in those things, I have not always been steadfast. Other issues seem to pull at me. The business of doing has taken me away from the rest of obeying. I can point to a time not long ago when it was clear to me that my task was to go to prayer behind the walls of the church platform during service, to pray for Pastor, and for those to whom he was preaching, that his words would truly voice God's own, and that ears would truly be open to hear. For a time I was steadfast in this. It was a surprisingly difficult task to reign in my wandering mind and focus on the purpose of my being there. It was difficult, in part, because there was nobody looking. It was God and I alone. How easily, I discovered, was I distracted from my purpose! Yet, I did my best to persevere, to return to what I was supposed to be doing just as often as I found myself wandering in my thoughts.
Now, however, that has been set aside. Was I told to set it aside? Not really. It just seemed there were other things that needed my attention during that time. There were new people training at the soundboard. There were issues cropping up that weren't being addressed. Somebody had to step in. So I did. Was I supposed to? I can't really say for sure. Have I gone back to my post now that the crisis is past? No. I've gotten comfortable in this other spot. It's not so challenging. It's not so lonely.
This is not a good thing, Lord. I've set aside Your clear direction for what I decided was necessary. Help me, Holy Spirit, to set aside this role that is not mine, and to take up once more the position You have assigned me. Help me to train up these new men swiftly, that they can take up their position, and I can be in mine. Oh, God! While I withstood the one attack, I fell prey to the other, didn't I? Be with me to recapture that hill!
There are other things, I know, where I've heard and taken action, and I thank You for the blessing of each one of those things. I know, also, that there have been many more which I have not acted on. Yet I call You Lord. How can You stand it! Your love for me must be great indeed. I know it is. Forgive me for taking advantage of that, Father. Strengthen my resolve to do as You lead, and to stand firm where You don't. It is not the hearers who are blessed, it is the doers. Lord, I want to be a doer of Your word, a doer in accord with the prayer so often offered: as it is in heaven. This is my heart, Lord, help me to subject my flesh until it is in accord with me, in accord with You.
