New Thoughts (7/14/03-7/20/03)
In the Scriptures referenced by our commentators on this passage, descriptions are given us of two different types of women. Given the focus on discipline and propriety, we find ourselves pointed to the parallel book of 1Timothy. Matthew Henry points us to the passage of that book dealing with this same issue. There, Paul lays out the reasons which make this discipline of keeping the home so necessary. He is addressing the issue of widows in the Church, and how they should be dealt with. For the young widows, his firm recommendation is remarriage (1Ti 5:13-14). Why is this? Because, freed of their domestic relationship, they are, as it were, cast adrift. Given no charted course for life, they learn to be idle, and having no particular reason to be home, wander from house to house looking for company.
So, what's wrong with this? Nothing, really. Indeed, Paul is the very one who will tell you that nothing is evil in itself. It is simply a matter of what is displayed in this wandering, and how it manifests itself as things progress. These women have not simply learned idleness, but as they have sought out companionship in the houses of others, they have fallen into a habit of gossiping. Now the merely dubious has progressed to recognizable sinfulness. Still, however, the downward spiral is not stopped. This new habit of gossip - and remember from the last study that habits are a slavery - these women find themselves emboldened to pursue more titillating topics. Soon, they have fallen into detailed discussions of matters which, to the Christian at least, ought to be thought improper to so much as mention! Paul will not come closer to the subject matter than that, will not be drawn into mentioning such things himself, nor is it his intent that we join in speculations of what those things might be.
No, his interest is in saving these women from such a future. What can counter this trend? In typical fashion, Scripture strikes at the root of the problem, rather than simply seeking to treat the latest symptoms. There are two roots shown to us here, one directly and the other by implication. Clearly, there is an issue with idleness. A woman with a job to do, with a clearly mandated task before her, has no time to be wandering around town in search of a good chat. Clearly, having a household to care for will address that problem. But, then, so would any other job. There is nothing about idleness in itself that recommends remarriage as the solution. But only in remarriage, and in the family that will issue from remarriage, is the second problem addressed along with this issue of idleness.
This second issue is the one which has poisoned repose, and turned it into a dangerous idleness. It is this which has led the young lady off in search of companionship, for the truth is that she is lonely. She has known the closest companionship that can be known in this life, and that has been ended for her. Something's missing, and she will wander far afield to find a way to fill that void. At first the conversation and companionship of such ladies as are at home satisfy the need, but the need worsens, the topics for conversation come to be in short supply. After all, her immediate experience is diverging rapidly from that of these ladies who still have homes to tend.
Desperate to maintain contact, she looks for common experience to chat about, and of course wanders into the realm of gossiping about shared acquaintances. It seems so innocent at the start, just chatting about friends. But the real issue is not being addressed by these means, and the underlying disease is festering. It cannot help but spread into the tissue of such conversations. The innocent beginning slowly rots in corruption, and the tongue begins to exude poison into all it speaks.
There is another problem. This woman, as was noted, has known the closest, most intimate relationship given to mankind to experience. That relationship was more than a matter of having someone to talk to, there is a physical intimacy in marriage unlike any other. That, too, has been lost to this woman. That, too, has left an unfulfilled longing within her. This longing adds its own poison to the conversation, and soon turns that conversation onto topics not even fitting to mention, let alone discuss at length.
There is only one antidote to this situation, and that is to reestablish what has been lost to this woman. Best, by far, that she remarry, and regain the intimacy that only marriage can provide in sanctity. Best, by far, that she have an established household, a husband to cherish, children to raise, a home to care for. By this means, God has arranged to address the dual evils of idleness and loneliness. So much of our sinful behavior is aimed at addressing one or the other of these two - either seeking to remove the pain, or simply to mask the evidence. God has provided the antidote for both, and Paul's simple advice, here, is that we avail ourselves of that cure.
I want to note a few things here. First, and foremost, let us keep in mind that Paul, while addressing specific issues in specific groups within the Church, is not teaching these groups unique truths. He is simply applying the general truth of Scripture to specific needs within the Church. We must not look at this as simply laying down the law for this group or that. We must continue to look at how that same facet of truth applies to us. Idleness is as much a sin in the man as in the woman. Gossip is as much a problem for the man as it is for the woman, though we still look upon it as being a woman's problem. Hang around the office for awhile. The problem is there, and the problem is quite real.
The answer to the problem is much the same for the man as for the woman. We are not generally tasked quite so directly with the keeping of the house, yet the keeping of the home is as much our concern and priority as it is for our wives. If we are idle on our job, we are threatening the means of support which God has provided for us; we are thumbing our nose at our Provider, daring Him to care for us when we won't care for ourselves. If we are idle in the home, we are failing in the primary task He has given us, that of raising up the next generation in the way they should go. We are failing to cherish the most precious gift He has given us for this life - the gift of family. The needs which only a good home can satisfy are every bit as real for the husband as for the wife. The responsibility for that good home are just as much the husband's as they are the wife's.
The other thing I really want to bring out in the concerns Paul raises in the passage from 1Timothy is this: I want us to see the innocent beginning in all this. There was nothing evil happening. There was simply a lonely person seeking some companionship. All was innocence. There was only one problem. The lonely one did not seek out the paths of righteousness, did not seek out the answer God had for her sorrow. She took matters into her own hands, and like so many before her who had likewise sought to 'take control' of their lives, she wound up out of control. God had a most beautiful means of satisfying her needs, ending her loneliness, giving purpose to her life. But, she chose a different way, an easier way.
This is the typical course of sin, isn't it? We are in a situation of need. We have learned enough to know what Scripture teaches as solution to that need, but that way is difficult. Narrow is the way! It is so narrow, that it feels constricted to us, perhaps looks impassible. By contrast, we find before us a wide highway promising easy access to the answer for our need. It would be so much easier, and we will have addressed our problem so much quicker! Therein lies the temptation. Therein lies the deceitfulness of the devil, drawing us from the right path we know onto a road that seems pleasant and promising, but leads inevitably to a graveyard of despair. If he can but distract us by that innocent beginning, he can more easily lead us onward, gradually turning us from the ways of holiness to the ways of despicable evil. If we will not take care, he will have us back in his slave camps before we even know we're at risk. Beware the innocent beginning! Beware the easy answer! You have studied to show yourself approved, but approval is not to be found in the knowing, it is found in applying that knowledge!
As an example of that life of applied learning, we are shown the bride of Proverbs 31. She is far from being idle. Indeed, we are shown to what lengths she goes to complete her labors, traveling far afield to procure the needs of her family, and laboring late into the night to complete what must be done at home. It is the description of this woman in v25 that really caught my attention, though. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Such a description would be pleasing for a man or a woman! This is a picture of confidence. She is confident in who she is, and she is confident in what shall come of it. There is nothing here that speaks of the fear of repercussions from prior sins. There is only the assurance of God's hand upon one of pure life. Consider that in light of Paul's instructions. Teach them to be pure, sensible, and kind. Teach them to be workers at home. Is this not exactly what is shown to us in the most excellent woman? And what results of her example? Her children praise her, her husband praises her, and her very works praise her. Yet, in this none of these things go to her head, for she knows that all that has brought praise to her life is God's due.
Notice, though, that nothing is said of her rejecting those praises. There is no sin in accepting recognition. Today, many feel that it is the death of humility to accept praise. We get embarrassed when people tell us how good we are doing. We think it humble of ourselves to reject the proffered compliment and belittle our efforts. How sad! How much glory does God get by such comments? How holy is that popular rejoinder of, "it's not me, it's God"? I see nothing here to support it. In fact, I could easily see how that declaration is but a hidden acceptance of the glory that was God's due. It's another Pharisaical front, a showing of our holiness. How sad, when God's handiwork is being praised, to try to usurp that praise by such deceitful means! Surely God is blessed when the works He has accomplished are praised. Surely He is glorified. The concern, as always, is with the heart. Is our heart keenly aware of the source of that which has made us praiseworthy? Do we thank Him for making of us something worthy of such praise? If so, then I see no issue with accepting the praise. It's not worship, after all. It's simply an appreciation of the good God has done.
But, back to our exemplary wife. She is arrayed with strength and dignity. She doesn't profess the weakness of her flesh, she doesn't insist on being seen as the weaker vessel. She walks in the strength of her Lord, and knows that the strength of her body is nothing. In her own weakness, she finds her God strong. She isn't caught up in the vanity and sophomoric play of such women as Paul described to Timothy. Hers is not the tongue for gossip, and trash talking. She walks in dignity. Dignity is her dress, her head covering. More important still, she looks upon her future and smiles! How can that be? There is only one way. She is upheld by the confidence of her God and Savior. She knows that the promises delivered to Israel are hers. She has laid hold of God and knows that He will not let go of her. Whatever hardships may be behind her, whatever troubles may be surrounding her, whatever the unknowable future may hold for her and her family, one thing she knows, and that One she knows, she knows is faithful to the end. There is a hope and a future, and the glory that awaits is so great as to make any difficulties encountered along the way seem slight and unimportant. How many of us would be thrilled to have this same description given in regard to our own lives? How many of us, then, will live in a manner that will allow for such a description!
There is one word that appears repeatedly in Paul's applications of sound doctrine. With every group, he instructs Titus to teach them to "be sensible." In reviewing the definition of that word, I was struck by one particular nuance of meaning, especially in light of the controversy that this particular verse sometimes gives rise to. Tucked into the more obvious meanings given this word 'sensible' is this: "voluntarily limiting one's freedom." All things are permissible, Paul tells us elsewhere (1Co 6:12, 1Co 10:23), but they are not always particularly good for us, they don't always serve to improve us. If all things are permissible, then why bother with the injunctions we see laid out here? If all things are permissible, why do we see qualifications laid down for the officers of the Church? Is it not because where freedom is absolute and unchecked, we have not a paradise but sheer anarchy?
In the time of the judges, Israel felt it had unlimited freedom. Every man did what seemed good to him. Hey! All things are permissible, so why not? Yet Israel's story throughout that period is tragic, and remained tragic for centuries to come. Why? Because they chose not to be sensible. They would not voluntarily limit the freedom they had. Fresh come out of slavery in Egypt, and out of the rigorous life of their desert travels with all of its military orderliness, they were tasting freedom from such rules, and, like youth out on their own in the world for the first time, the removal of outward restraint led to a failure of all inward restraint. The flesh felt its lead and took of at full tilt. Paul is calling for Christians to stand as the example of proper human behavior. Such proper behavior cannot be displayed in 'total freedom.' Total freedom of that sort is nothing but slavery disguised! It is the flesh in control, the passions dominant, the temptations of the enemy of our soul bound upon us like chains. It is a total cessation from all thought with regard to God.
Nowhere will you find God endorsing such anarchy. His Creation is governed by the rule of Law, His Law. He has indeed brought us into liberty, He has freed us from the bonds of sin which held us, but He has not released us into anarchy. With freedom, He has also blessed us with wisdom. He has left with us a teacher to instruct us in the ways of righteousness. He has given us a heart and mind to understand what is pleasing in His sight, so that we may be wise in voluntarily limiting our freedom. He has empowered us to be sensible.
With this idea of sensibility in mind, think about what is said in regards to marriage here. Much is made of the call in this passage for the wife to submit to the husband. This thought quite possible causes more contention in the church than the major doctrinal issues that define our present day denominations. Many, perhaps even the majority of women are immediately up in arms when they hear this said. What! You would limit my freedoms? You would have me reduce myself to the state of a slave? Not on your life! Never mind that this is Scripture that is being considered. The reaction is so thorough that no attempt is made to seek out the full counsel of God. It's just dropped, clearly a misapplication of the text because we don't agree with it.
This is a symptom of the impact of Western culture upon us. As with the instruction given, the reaction noted is not restricted to the feminine sex. We have been trained to assert our 'rights.' We have been schooled to fight for our 'rights.' We have a government that is constantly creating new 'rights' for us to fight about. Indeed, the society about us is far more concerned with having their rights than with pursuing righteousness. If, however, we have truly chosen to follow Christ, if He is truly Lord of all in our lives, then we have no rights. We have voluntarily set aside all rights and claims, except for His claim upon our lives. We have voluntarily limited our freedoms, and done the sensible thing: submit to His will.
It is along this same vein that Paul is contemplating the relationship of marriage. He is not calling upon the woman to become the slave of her husband, nor is he entitling the husband to the 'right' to be domineering in his rule of the house. What Paul is doing is seeking order. He has been seeking order in the Church, and he knows that such order cannot occur when there is anarchy in the home. Any and every organization of people needs some rules of order if it is to flourish. The word Paul chooses to describe this order is not one that speaks of slavery. It is a bit of a military concept, the ordering of the troops, the arranging of the many under the leadership of a few. It is an establishing of the chain of command.
As critical as such chain of command is to military success, it is equally critical for the success of the household. If there is not order in the leadership of the parents, there can only be disorder; and where that disorder exists, it will assuredly impact the lives of the children who live under such disorder. This is Paul's concern. How can we disciple our own children in the ways of the Lord, when our very methods of leadership display open rebellion? How can we teach them to submit to the Law of God who cannot be seen when we will not submit to our spouse who is standing next to us?
Many of the commentaries at this point direct us to consider Ephesians 5:22-24 in regards to the proper station of the woman. With these verses they support their doctrine, finding a second witness to support the claim that women are to be submitted, and men in control. Some teachers will continue onward from that point and show also the instruction given the husband - that he love his wife in the same manner that Christ loved the Church, which is to say sacrificially. However, to my mind the key to the whole matter lies in the verse prior. Be subject to each other in fear of the Lord (Eph 5:21). That's it!
The call is for mutual subjection, each to the other. This is not simply Paul's suggestion for married couples. It aligns quite well with Jesus' instruction to His disciples, as well as the example of His own life and labor. In Matthew 20:25-28, Jesus addresses the issues of leadership that were being argued among His men. He speaks of the way of the lords of this world, that they seek to exert their greatness by exercising their authority. In contrast, He offers the heavenly view of leadership. If you want to be great, become slave to the one you would lead. To seal the point, He puts forward His own earthly ministry as example. The Son of Man, the King of kings, did not come to His lands demanding service, but sought rather to serve, even to the giving of His own life in that service. In light of that view of leadership, we see a peculiar dignity in submission. In that faith which overturns worldly order we are shown submission and servility as indicators of leadership and greatness. Given that this is God's view of the matter, we ought to find it easier to be the submissive mates He calls us to be.
Paul offers us the incentive of the fear of the Lord as cause to submit. Is he suggesting that God will punish us if we do not comply? Not at all. He is simply saying that if our faith in God is real, then the ways of His kingdom should be our ways. The man, tasked with leading the family, must understand the godly view of leadership: service. It is not just service, though, it's a matter of love. Love your wife as Christ loved the Church. Love is the motivator that empowers service. Infused with the love of God, that love places other over self in importance, and so, will tend naturally towards serving rather than demanding its rights.
Barnes writes that "All happiness in the marriage relation is based on mutual love." That mutual love cannot help but show itself in mutual service. The two become reinforcements for each other. Love shows itself in service to the loved one, and that service cannot but make the loved one love the more. Seeking to manifest that love, service is given in return, increasing the love in the first party. And so the wonderful ways of the heavenly order add constantly upon the foundation laid. Indeed, as Mr. Henry points out, where love is true, this requirement of loving obedience to the husband will not be difficult. I would add that the reason that this requirement will be made easy is because in such a place, the husband has learned to lead by serving, according to the example of Christ. The feedback loop of mutual love / mutual service, has been put into place in that marriage. Indeed, when one is well served, returning service in kind is made easy. There is joy in the giving of service to one who serves us well.
What is right and proper for the marriage is not for the marriage alone, in this case. It has application to all our relationships. The same guiding principles that make for a sound marriage make for a sound business, make for a sound fellowship, make for a sound church. Marriage is, in this regard, a model established by God as well as an institution. It is intended to model for us the care and treatment we ought to have in all our relationships. It is intended to model for us the care that God Himself has towards us. It is intended to train us up in His ways of caring, that we might know such caring ways as our own during our sojourn in the world. By this, they will know that you have been with Me, by your love one for another.
Remembering that Paul is simply applying the general truth of the Gospel to specific situations, we might do well to attempt the opposite with this passage. Rather than looking simply at what he is teaching as it applies to the young ladies, we ought to be seeking out the wider application that includes us. The instruction to love husband and child expands into the general command to love our neighbor as ourselves, to seek out ways to actively show that love. Wisdom and purity of life are surely universal in application. Nobody enjoys a fool, least of all God. It is wisdom, His wisdom, that encourages us to purity of life. It is purity of life that encourages faith in those around us, that building faith by our witness being the greatest act of our love for them. As for doing good, nothing more need be said.
We are left with two matters to consider, submission and home life. The matter of submission, I think we have covered sufficiently. The life of service is the hallmark of Christian leadership. The acceptance of authority, the adherence to the requirements of orderly living, are the hallmarks of the Christian, whether leader or not. What shall we make of the command to take care of the home, in its more general application, however? What is the wider application?
I think we must see the application as twofold. There is the fundamental fact that we are all of us parts of a household or family, whether as parent or child, spouse or sibling. The maintaining of the family as something more than a random collection of people, as more than forced coexistence, takes a lot of work from all its members. The wife alone cannot make the house a home. While the husband may be called to labor in the fields to earn the bread which supports his household, he is not given leave to shirk the work of keeping the family a family. Every child in that household also bears responsibility to do their part. That responsibility continues past the age of majority, indeed continues throughout life. This fact has been lost in our culture. We tend to see our responsibility towards our parents ending when we establish our own household, but this simply is not the Biblical example. Paul's instruction regarding widows makes this clear. If they have family, he writes, let the family show its faith by supporting her as is proper. Other examples abound in Scripture, showing the general tenet that parents are to be honored throughout life.
The second application I see here is in regards to ministry busyness. Over and over, of late, the message has been coming to our local church, and doubtless to others as well. Too many of us have been following Martha's example, and forgetting the example of Mary. We're all getting caught up in working, working, working, doing the "work of the ministry," but we've forgotten that the primary work of ministry is to know fellowship with our Creator. We've become too busy to listen to our Lord, too caught up in trying to get everything done to hear the instructions He is trying to give us. There's another problem with this, as well. Not only are we neglecting our own Master as we seek to do the things we think in our own minds that He wants done, we are also allowing that labor to distract us from His clear charge regarding the home! We are at great risk of hearing the convicting words of Jesus applied to us. "If you say to your parents that what of mine might have helped you is given to God and cannot be allowed for your use, you are invalidating God's own instruction in favor of your own ideas" (Mk 7:11-13). How many of us are telling this to our kids, in so many words, because of our 'dedication to the work of the Lord?' How many of us have forgotten that our kids are the work of the Lord, the good works prepared for us beforehand that we might do them (Eph 2:10)!
Sound religion, true Christianity, holds family duty in highest regard. It is to be considered an integral support for the furtherance of Christian work in the world. An integral support! One could say indispensable. This is the reminder given us in Barnes' notes. Home, he reminds us, should be a place of 'contentment, intelligence, and peace.' Too often, we make it a place of stress, a place of foolish distraction, trying to escape the weight of our busyness for a few moments. Too often, home is the place where we let down our guard, where we shed all the responsibility in which we have dressed ourselves for the day, and 'slob out.' Home deserves our best efforts, though, not the leftovers. Yes, we should be able to let down our guard in the supportive atmosphere of the home, but not to the point of shedding all our decency and care for others. If we are giving our all to the work of the Gospel, and have nothing left to give to our families, then we are not really doing the work of the Gospel, we are simply doing works of flesh. Hear the warning given to us by Mr. Barnes: No amount of religious zeal and sacrifice outside the home can bring true gain when the home is disregarded. After all I've done, Paul wrote, I would not wish to find I have disqualified myself in the process! We must all be 'keepers at home' in this regard, attending to the responsibilities God has already entrusted to us, if we would be entrusted with more.
Lord, how well I know that You are addressing me in this concern. How fully have I been caught up in the work of the Church, and how often have I allowed that work to get in the way of the work I should be doing to maintain this family? Far too often, I know. I thank You, my God, that You have blessed me with a wife of good sense, who has shown me when I have allowed myself to get off course. I ask, also, that You would put a desire on the hearts of all within Your house to take up their portion of the labor, that none should be tempted to fall into vain works in Your name.
Father, I don't want all of my efforts to have been in vain, when I come to the end of my earthly days. I don't want to find, when I stand before You, that nothing mattered, that I'd missed the whole point, and failed at the very tasks You had laid out for me. You know and I know that both home and church have entered into a particularly hectic season. Will it come to a close at some point? I pray it does, and yet I pray it doesn't. Inasmuch as it represents our hearts hearing and heeding Your direction, I would that it never stops. However, where it has degraded to grumbling and frustration, where the works You have prepared beforehand for us to do have come to feel like just another job, Father put an end to such things! Change my heart, my God, to rejoice in the service You seek from me. Change my mind, Holy One, to know what You seek, and what I simply take up. If the taking up has been mine, help me, Holy Spirit, to set it back down.
Jesus, I've heard Your words to Your church these last weeks. Remember Mary. Set aside all your busyness and come rest with Me. Come share in My intimacy. I hear You, and yet, I'm not sure at all how I can obey! The more I long to stop, the more responsibilities seem to cry out to me. I sing for joy to You, that You have brought along side such faithful help. I am in awe, actually, to see the one You have chosen to stand beside me. What a change You make in life, Lord! Yet, my King, the desire to step back is strong but the need seems so great. I have heard Your word to the Church, but what I really need to hear today is Your word for me. I need Your instruction. Am I to stop? If so, I stand in desperate need of instruction from You as to how I shall do such a thing! I need also for my pastor to hear the same, that we may walk forward from here in unity of purpose.
In his final word for the younger women, Paul states what to me is the central message of this whole matter of instruction: Let no man speak evil of our God due to your example. That's really the whole of the matter. People will surely find enough reasons in their sinful minds to denigrate the God of holiness, but woe to us if our unwillingness to submit to Him gives them greater cause! "The word of God and the gospel of Christ are pure, excellent, and glorious, in themselves; and their excellencies should be expressed and shown in the lives and conduct of their professors," writes Matthew Henry. We are called to be His witness in the earth, not merely to talk about Him, but to manifest His goodness in our own lives. Every Christian should stand as a living testimony of the power, the glory, and the holiness of God. That's what our 'Yes, Lord' signed us up to do.
Do you wonder what sound doctrine is? Put it to this test: Will my adherence to this doctrine glorify my God, or will it give cause to revile Him? Were I to hold to the opposite of what this doctrine declared, if I stood up against it and live my life in such opposite way, would I glorify my King, or would I give others cause to reject Him? As we ask this, we must consider the effect of our truly living like we believed it. If we have applied this test, and found our doctrine sound, what remains is to live it like we thought it: to live like we believed the truth was true, like we believed what Jesus said. If we only believe, but do not apply belief to every facet of our lives, the enemy has triumphed over us, and those who know us will have found cause to reject the salvation so freely offered them.
What is at stake is far more than our own eternal reward. In truth, that's a settled issue, or at least it ought to be. But there remains the primary command that should guide our relationships: love them as you love yourself. If you have been awakened to the danger to your own soul, if you are aware that same danger threatens every soul around you, if you know where your Salvation lies, the love of God within you dare not allow your example to dissuade the lost from grasping His hand! In the all wise plan of the all wise God, we have been made part of the plan of redemption. Yes, it is finished. Yes, the power of redemption lies solely in the blood of Christ. Yet, He has ordained that His chosen ones must needs hear of the atonement He has made, must be shown their need for that atonement. He has ordained us for that task, prepared us for just such a time as this. It begins in the home. Our first and biggest responsibility in life witness is to our own family; our spouses, if necessary, and our children. Only when we have established them in the kingdom of God, only when we are assured that their feet are firmly on the highway to heaven, can we expect to reap a fruitful harvest in the fields around us. Only if we continue to keep our family's guidance upon the highway sure and true can we expect to continue being allowed to work in those fields.
God is a wise husbandman. He will not long send to His fields one who only manages to trampled the ripe fruit under foot. If we seek to work the fields while continuing in our own unrighteousness, it will not go unnoticed, no matter how we may fool ourselves and our fellow parishioners. It will be seen, and in seeing it, the fruit will be lost, the harvest destroyed. If we allow this in ourselves, we will indeed come to the end of our days to discover our labor has been in vain. He may well have used our efforts to save the lost in spite of us, but how heartbroken will we be when we learn that we lost ourselves along the way. The greatest protection we have against such a future day is to heed the message of this verse before us: Let no man speak evil of God due to my example. If we will condition ourselves to test our intended action by this simple statement, how much grief we will avoid! If we will live by the tenets of this one sentence, how great will be the harvest of our lives!
